Children have an innate sense of justice and fairness. If you spend any time with kids, you know the plaintive cry “It’s not fair!” surfaces with enough frequency to make a drinking game based on its utterance a dangerous affair.
Many times a week, I hear myself responding to those cries with a trite, “Life’s not fair.” In other words, “Suck it up, buttercup.”
True enough. And yet those words don’t take away the niggling rub that, well, gosh, it’s not fair.
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Every now and then I feel a little world-weary. I’m sure you’ve felt it too. The ol’ Come Soon, Lord Jesus-weary, if you know what I mean.
10 Tips for Treating Hell-in-a-Handbasket Syndrome. Click To Tweet
Recently, my world-weary mood seemed to be teetering on the edge of dejection. You can imagine the things going on in the United States that may have contributed to that feeling. Those, and other worries closer to home, forced me to consider how I could adjust my perspective and lift my mood. Here are some ideas that help me and might just help you:
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As new homeowners twenty years ago, my husband and I relied on the opinions of “experts.” We listened to the realtor, the home inspector (who was oddly more concerned with ancient damage by powderpost beetles than existing basement puddles), and the plumber/electrician.
Let me tell you about the plumber/electrician. He came with a recommendation and a good price. I think his night job was tending bar at a private club. The details are fuzzy now. But I have a couple of stories, and this is one. Continue reading
As a parent, I most often hear myself repeating the same instructions, “Hurry up,” “Leave your brother/sister alone,” or the ever-favorite, “Get off of the bed while I’m making it.” Other times, I’m saying bizarre things I never thought I’d hear myself say, such as, ” Get that Spider-Man out of the freezer,” “No, you can’t bring that rifle to church, ” or “Get your face out of your brother’s butt.”
But every once in a while, I say something that resonates with me. A few words that make me stop and re-examine them as you would a diamond in the sunlight, twisting it this way and that, examining it from all sides.
A couple of years ago, I escorted my teary, unhappy preschooler away from a store saying, “I can’t give you good surprises if you don’t obey.”
My little girl had been lollygagging again, trailing off behind me and not coming when called. I can’t remember what surprise I had in mind for her, but whatever it was, she’d lost it before it’d ever been offered.
How often have I been denied God’s “good surprises” because I did not obey? How can I receive His gifts if I do not cooperate with His plan?
Like my daughter’s, my disobedience isn’t outright. Rarely do I refuse to comply. Instead, I lollygag. I let His words roll off my back while I fritter away time and opportunity and generally drift off, complacent in the hope that I won’t be left behind. There’s time yet to catch up.
It’s easy to dismiss my disobedience as procrastination. Maybe a little laziness. But, in truth, I’ve failed to obey.
Just as I saw clearly the natural consequences of my daughter’s disobedience, I see the natural consequences of a disobedient culture, one that has relegated God and His commandments to the sidelines. It’s easy to see how our collective rejection of God’s plan for sexuality has resulted in the rotted harvest we now reap in pervasive misogyny, rape, divorce, abortion, and so much more. (See Humana Vitae at 50.)
It’s more difficult – or maybe more uncomfortable – to examine my personal sins, connecting my disobedience to the rotted fruits in my life. The absence of those “good surprises.”
Disobedience – or why we can't have nice things. Click To TweetI don’t have a quick fix, although I think outright refusal to obey seems an easier problem to solve than the lukewarmness we know is repugnant to God. (Rev 3:15-16)
I think the fix is a long, slow one with plenty of backsliding and beginning again and again and again. One that involves prayer and fasting and a good, swift kick in the rear. And a reminder of this verse:
“Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one.
– Matthew 5:37
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I’ve never chosen one word for the year as seems to be the fashion lately. If you’re not familiar with the concept, you simply scrap the lists of resolutions and focus your efforts on one word. For example, “joy,” “courage,” “mindful,” or “simplify.” Had I chosen a word for the year, I think it would’ve been “reap.”
In my 21st year of marriage, 15th year of motherhood, and the 20th year in this house, for some reason, I feel like I’m doing a lot of reaping. And contrary to the old Blue Oyster Cult classic, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” doesn’t seem like such good advice whether you add more cowbell or not.
On Saturday, my mom left the house she’s lived in since 1960. That’s 57 years in one home. She lived on the same property, different house, for six years before that. It’s the same property my father lived in for all of his 80 years, excepting his service in World War II.
That property and that home, will always be my first home. When I close my eyes, I can see the tree line towering over the valley where the two-story block and brick home is nestled. I know the pattern of the pink tile floor in the bathroom with its squares and rectangles. I can hear the sound the attic fan makes as it stirs to life. And, I know in exactly which parts of the yard the wild purple and white violets grow.
I learn a lot about human behavior from my dogs.
Recently, one of my female dogs lay in the sun enjoying the freshly mowed grass. In spite of there being hundreds of square feet of similar space available, another of my dogs (a male) joined her and nestled back-to-back against her.
Upon his contact, the female’s ears slicked back. She turned her head and gave the intruder a hard look. Then she got up and left.
In her defense, the weather was uncomfortably hot. I wouldn’t have appreciated another warm body pressed to mine either, especially during much-needed personal time.
You have something valuable to offer, and you don’t even have to try very hard. @CynthiaTToney #wisdom Click To Tweet
But besides being amused by their awkward social situation, I wondered why the male dog had risked intruding on the female. What did the second dog need so badly from the first one to risk rejection? Reassurance of his rank in the pack? Comforting because he felt ill? Relief from loneliness?
Dogs, especially younger ones, often lie or sit next to another dog to learn or to receive protection from the first. Maybe that wasn’t the case this time, but you’ve seen humans do this.
Whether younger or less experienced in some way, a person might awkwardly invade another’s space in order to learn something or gain an emotional benefit.
Sometimes that invasion is a stare. (Dogs stare at each other a lot, which is not considered rude.) If you have a coworker, neighbor, or family member who stares at you while you work, you might find that irritating.
If someone repeatedly hangs around you at the most inconvenient times, maybe you try to avoid him or her. Or you brush ’em off. If you give in, you want to kick yourself afterward. You wish you could be mean and simply get up and leave like my dog did, just to have more time to yourself.
But have you wondered why that person seeks you so often?
Photo by Annett Aagot, pixabay
Espionage or other bad intentions aside, consider that a person may consciously or subconsciously need to learn something from you. Even if it’s the manner in which you speak. (Really.) Why everyone seems to like you. Or how you remain calm in a crisis. (You won’t learn that from me.) It can be something neither of you is aware of that draws him or her to you.
Oh, no! There he (or she) is! You duck your head.
Too late! Now you have to listen to problems and offer words of encouragement.
Take this attention as a compliment. You have something valuable to offer, and you don’t even have to try very hard.
You are admired. You are considered wise.
Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Cynthia writes novels for preteens and teens because she wants them to know how wonderful, powerful, and lovable God made them. She is the author of the Bird Face series, including 8 Notes to a Nobody and 10 Steps to Girlfriend Status, and a new series coming soon, The Other Side of Freedom.
In her spare time, when she’s not cooking Cajun or Italian food, Cynthia grows herbs and makes silk accent pillows. If you make her angry, she will throw one at you. A pillow, not an herb. Well, maybe both.
Cynthia has a passion for rescuing dogs from animal shelters and encourages others to save a life by adopting a shelter pet. She enjoys studying the complex history of the friendly southern U.S. from Georgia to Texas, where she resides with her husband and several canines.
Website: http://www.cynthiattoney.com
Blog: http://birdfacewendy.wordpress.com
Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/birdfacewendy
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/CynthiaTToney
Twitter: @CynthiaTToney
Instagram: @CynthiaTToney
Pinterest: Cynthia T. Toney, YA Author
Thoughts of A Grace Warrior
The Higher Way – In Hindsight, It Was a God-Incident (August 8, 2016)
“In hindsight, I realized how blessed we were that our little boy broke our television and spoiled our plans.”
